Secrets That Lie Within - Part 12
by Sona
Summary: Sydney tells the Cliffhangers about her ED


Part 12

"Well, group's almost over. Is there anything else someone wants to say?" Sophie asked the Cliffhangers.

Sydney looked at Ryan. When he nodded his head in encouragement, she spoke up. "I would like to say something," she said.

"Go ahead," Peter said.

Sydney intertwined her hand with Ryan's for support. "Um, well, I know everyone's been wondering why I'm even here. I haven't made it easy on you guys, either, but I just didn't want anyone to know. Juliette figured it out right away, but it's not like I just came right out and told her. Anyway, Ryan convinced me to tell Scott about it, and I told him last night. And now Ryan has convinced me to tell all of you." she said.

Peter glanced at Sophie. She had been right all along – having Ryan there was helping Sydney. He was glad that she had convinced him to let Ryan stay.

"God, this is so hard," Sydney said looking to Ryan for guidance.

Ryan squeezed her hand. "You can do it, baby," he said.

Sydney looked back at Peter and Sophie. "I just don't know how to say it. No matter what I say, you won't understand." she said.

"Sydney, we're trained counselors. We've been dealing with teenager's emotional problems the whole time here. Anything you say won't shock us." Peter said.

"It's not that I think it will shock you. You just won't understand what I'm going through. I've seen you in action with this. You try and understand, but you would never know unless you've been in my shoes. That's why Juliette figured it out right away and that's why I continued talking to her about it." Sydney said.

"You have an eating disorder," Sophie said getting the connection between Sydney and Juliette.

"It's not so bad – really," Sydney said.

"Don't believe her," Ryan said. He ignored the angry look Sydney threw his way. "Sydney really needs your help. I am so scared that she's going to end up permanently damaging her body if she keeps this up." 

"Ryan, no," Sydney said.

"What? I thought you wanted to get better. I thought you wanted to be healthy again." Ryan said pulling his hand away from Sydney's. He wiped away the tears that spilled down his cheeks. He hated becoming weak in front of other people.

"Ryan, don't cry. I'm sorry." Sydney said.

"You're always sorry. God, Sydney, I love you so much and if you keep doing this to yourself, there won't be any of you left to love. Even if you're not wasting away, you're still dealing with all these emotional problems. I can't go on like this anymore. More importantly, _you_ can't go on like this anymore." Ryan said now openly crying. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands as he cried.

Sydney did not know what to say. Seeing Ryan cry made her start to cry. She looked at Peter for guidance.

"Oh, hell, this is ridiculous. Since when is this guy part of our group?" David asked sarcastically.

"Shut up, David," Juliette said throwing him a dirty look.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I promise to get better. Please stop crying." Sydney begged.

Ryan took a deep breath and calmed down. "Sorry for that outburst," he said wiping his face with the back of his hand. He was embarrassed that he had broken down like that in front of everyone.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. You're understandably upset." Sophie said.

"I think we should end group here. Sophie and I want to talk to Sydney alone." Peter said standing up. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked Ryan.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine now," he answered.

Sydney hugged Ryan. "I love you," she whispered before following Peter and Sophie to Peter's office.

"Thanks for convincing Sydney to tell Peter and Sophie," Scott said walking up to Ryan.

"I shouldn't have lost it, though. That's just going to make Sydney feel worse." Ryan said.

"No, it's good you did. It will help Sydney get better." Juliette said sitting down next to him. "You're the reason she even tries to get better."

"But I shouldn't be the reason. She won't really get better unless she wants to do it for herself." Ryan said.

"Boy, you sure did your research," Juliette said impressed. "Just give it time, Ryan. Eventually, she'll want to do it for herself."

"Oh, and is that why you didn't eat the other day?" Scott asked.

"That's different," Juliette said. "My mom is coming up soon and I have to –"

Ryan cut her off. "Don't even say you have to be thin for her. Juliette, you shouldn't give a damn what your mother thinks about you. All that's important is that you love yourself." he said.

"I really do try. It's just hard. But you already know that from dealing with Sydney." Juliette said.

"Maybe now that she's told Peter and Sophie she'll finally make it." Ryan said. 

***

"It's not like I haven't tried to get better. I've seen therapists and nutritionist. Every time I think I'm getting better, I just relapse back into it. But I have gone for long periods of time when I eat normally." Sydney said.

"But you still go back to your eating disorder. That means that it never really went away in the first place. You were just brushing it aside for awhile." Sophie said.

"How would you know that? You're not me." Sydney said defensively.

"Then help us to understand you," Peter said. "Sydney, all we want to do is help you."

"You can't make me eat all the time," Sydney said. "My stomach can't take a lot of food."

"You have to eat, honey. You need to keep your body strong and healthy." Sophie said.

"From now on you have to keep a food diary and we're going to monitor your calorie intake," Peter said.

"Please don't do that. I see how much you make Juliette eat. I can't eat like that. If I do, then I'll just make myself throw up." Sydney said.

"If you'd like, we can have someone watch you after meals so you don't purge," Peter said.

"Why would I want that? I would want to get rid of all that food." Sydney said. Instantly, she knew she should not have said that.

"Shelby will stay with your after all meals," Peter decided.

"Great," Sydney muttered.

"You know you're not fat, don't you?" Sophie asked her.

"Sure, I know that. I never was overweight. But don't you know that this has nothing to do with being fat?" Sydney said.

"There are other ways to deal with your problems," Peter said. "We're going to help you find those alternatives."

"I'm going to hate this," Sydney said.

"You did the right thing by telling us," Peter said.

"I did it for Ryan," Sydney said. She stood up. "Are we done now?"

"We'll talk some more later," Sophie said. 

"Can you tell Shelby to come in here?" Peter asked.

"Fine," Sydney said annoyed. She walked back to where the rest of the Cliffhangers were. She saw Ryan, Juliette, Scott, and Shelby talking.

"How are you?" Ryan asked when he saw her.

"Okay, I guess," Sydney said leaning against him. "Shelby, Peter wants to see you."

"Why?" Shelby asked.

"You're going to be my babysitter," Sydney said sarcastically.

"Huh?" Shelby asked confused.

"You'll understand once you talk to Peter," Sydney said.

"What was that all about?" Ryan asked putting his arm around her waist.

Sydney watched as Shelby left the room. "Peter said that Shelby has to stay with me after meals to make sure I don't make myself throw up. God, this is going to be torture." she said.

"It's going to be good for you," Ryan said.

"I'll help you through it, Sydney. It was hard for me when I first came here, but I'm much better at it now." Juliette said.

"We'll all help you through it," Scott said.

"Count me out. I'm not going to hang around another barf queen. One was bad enough." David said meanly.

"Who involved you in this conversation?" Scott asked walking over to him and getting into his face.

"Cut it out, guys," Auggie said stepping in between them. "And don't talk about my girl in that disrespectful manner," he said to David.

"Whatever," David said walking away.

"What the hell is that kid's problem? He's been an ass the whole time I've been here." Ryan said.

"He has issues like everyone else. He just takes his out in a different way." Daisy said joining them with Ezra at her side.

"Daisy's being too nice. He's a jerk." Ezra said.

"I can see that," Ryan said. He turned to Sydney. "Come on. Let's go somewhere to be alone."

"I'd love to," Sydney said taking his hand and walking away with him.

As soon as they left, Shelby came back. "Looks like I'm going to be watching Sydney for awhile," she said to Scott and Juliette.

"You know she's going to try and trick you, don't you?" Juliette asked. "She's going to do anything she can to get to a bathroom if she really wants to throw up."

"Well, I'll do anything I can to stop her from doing it," Shelby said. "Although…." Her voice trailed off.

"Although what?" Scott asked.

"She might not be too keen on the idea of me hanging around her when she wants to puke. No wonder she always ran to Queenie's defense when I would make snide comments about her making herself throw up. Sydney probably thinks I'm the biggest jerk." Shelby said.

"Maybe that'll teach you not to say such mean things," Juliette said before walking away to join Auggie.

"Don't worry. I'm sure Sydney knows that you don't mean to say those cruel things to Jules." Scott said.

"Who says I don't?" Shelby asked.

"I know you like her," Scott said grinning at her.

"Sure. Believe what you want." Shelby said moving closer to him. 

"I think Ryan and Sydney have the right idea by sneaking off to be alone. What do you say we do the same thing?" Scott asked her.

"Sounds good to me," Shelby said looking around and then kissing him.

"Let's go take this elsewhere," Scott said smiling.

***

"Sydney, please stop crying. You have to be strong." Ryan said holding Sydney close to him.

"I don't want you to leave," Sydney said pulling away from him. 

It took all of Ryan's strength to keep himself from crying. He knew that if he did, Sydney would just get more upset. "You knew I would have to leave, Sydney. I can't stay here forever. Peter would never allow that." he said.

"This is harder than when we said goodbye back home," Sydney said.

Ryan brushed some of her tears away. "As long as you try and get better, you'll be back home before you know it," he said.

"Hey, guys," Peter said approaching them.

"We wanted to be alone," Sydney said coldly.

"Sydney, come on. Be nice." Ryan whispered to her.

"I know you think I'm the enemy here because Ryan has to leave, but rules are rules. I already broke them when I let him stay." Peter said.

"I know," Sydney said. "But you also said that he can't ever come back."

"Ryan, I admit that when you first got here, I didn't like you. I found you to be an arrogant teenager and I didn't think you would help Sydney at all. I'm glad that I as wrong. I know that it's because of you that she has started to open up to us and I see that you are the only one who can make her feel better. So, maybe in a little while – when Sydney has made some progress – you can come again." Peter said.

Sydney's eyes widened. "Do you really mean that?" she asked Peter.

"I only want to do what's best for my students and Ryan seems to be good for your psyche," Peter said.

"Thank you so much, Peter," Sydney said.

"I'll leave you two alone now," Peter said. 

"Thanks for changing your mind about me," Ryan said shaking Peter's hand.

"See? I told you things would be okay." Ryan said to Sydney once Peter left them.

"I hope you can come back soon," Sydney said.

"Well, you heard what Peter said. If you make progress, I can come back. That should give you incentive to get better." Ryan said.

"I promise to try my hardest," Sydney said.

"That's all I ask of you," Ryan said pulling her towards him. He kissed her.

Sydney felt tears come to her eyes again as their lips parted. She hugged him tightly. "I'll call you tomorrow," she said.

"I love you," Ryan said leaving her embrace.

"I love you, too," Sydney said a lump forming in her throat.

Ryan knew he had to leave before he started to cry. "Bye," he said quickly getting into his car.

Sydney crossed her arms over her chest and watched as Ryan drove away. _I will get better, Ryan. I promise you that._


End file.
